For Keeps News & Events

'To Be in a Family Who Loves Me'

Reprinted with permission from Washingtonpost.Newsweek Interactive Company and The Washington Post

By Chris L. Jenkins, Washington Post Staff Writer, Thursday, January 18, 2007

They have the dreams -- sometimes modest, sometimes bold -- that any 13- or 14-year-old might have. One wants to be a Marine. Another, an entertainer. For a third, studying oceanography, if the military doesn't beckon first.

There is, along with those thoughts, something basic that these youths yearn for more. It is a persistent ache.

"Just to be in a family who loves me," said Shanice, 14, who is in foster care with the Fairfax County Department of Family Services. "A real family, where I know I'll be able to stay."

In the matter-of-fact language of a young teen, this is no cry for sympathy. Just a simple expression of a dream.

Shanice and two other children in the care of Fairfax are making the request not only through quiet conversation but by participating in a very public display of their private lives. Their portraits, taken by a professional photographer, will be on display this month with photos of other Washington area youths amid the busy confines of the county's Government Center as part of a nationwide effort to find adoptive families for older foster children.

Known as the Heart Gallery, the project is designed to place foster children, ages 11 and older, in the public domain, with the hope of raising awareness among communities about their children's circumstances.

Often the lives of young people in foster care are shrouded in secrecy to protect their privacy. And older children can be more difficult to place. Many prospective parents are reluctant to take on the budding complexities of adolescence -- particularly if children have come from broken homes. The Heart Gallery initiative takes an upfront approach, giving young people a way to tell their stories through pictures and words. Next to each intimate close-up is a short biography with each child's interests, hobbies and goals.

"The trend now is to put the kids' lives in the community, engage them with the public and let them have a hand in recruiting the people who may want to adopt them," said Marilyn Durbin, an adoption supervisor for the county's family services department, which helped coordinate the exhibition. "It helps them to get involved in their own process and stops them from potentially sitting back and saying 'Nobody wants me.' "

So, on a recent afternoon, two of the youths who will be featured in the gallery -- which opens Jan. 29 -- talked about how revealing their experiences to the world is part of their effort to take control of their lives. They were joined by three other youths in foster care, who, while not participating in the gallery, have opened up their lives in other ways, including by appearing in short spots on a local television station to inform the community about their efforts to find permanent homes.

"I probably wouldn't have done this two years ago," said Devante, who wants a career in entertainment. A thoughtful 14-year-old with a broad and easy smile, he added: "I feel more comfortable now, about talking to people about who I am. But it also feels good to know that someone is interested in me, in us, and what we've gone through."

Shanice, the budding oceanographer, in her soft spoken manner, agreed. She spoke of how, after dealing with a series of tough situations, she realized that it was time for her to step out and see if she could play a role in her own future.

"After some of the things that happened, I said, 'It's time for me to take responsibility,' " she said.

What these youths are looking for comes in an assortment of mediums as they express what family means to them and what they hope for.

Joe, an energetic 13-year-old who will not participate in the gallery exhibition but has made an appearance on a local television show, was having a little difficulty getting the words out. So he drew it out on a white page of loose-leaf paper: One page was a quick sketch of three children and two parents. A second was of a big heart.

"That's family," he said, triumphantly.

Sponsored by the Freddie Mac Foundation, a lending company, the tour will make a total of 10 stops, including the Reston Regional Library and America Online headquarters in Dulles. Eleven percent of Virginia's children in foster care are older than 11; there are 19 children in Fairfax awaiting adoption, 15 of whom are 11 or older.

The Heart Gallery initiative is part of a broader effort to actively get teenagers in foster care adopted. The first Heart Gallery exhibition was in Santa Fe, N.M., in 2001, when the state child welfare agency used photographs of children in foster care to attract families. There are now more than 60 of these galleries nationwide. The gallery also can be found online at http://www.freddiemacfoundation.org/heartgallery.

Officials say that in addition to raising awareness, the portraits have produced results. Recently in Connecticut, social workers found homes for 19 of the 40 children featured in an exhibition.

And in New Mexico two years ago, about 50 percent of the people who inquired about adoption after seeing the photos completed a training and licensing process and adopted a child, compared with the average follow-up rate of 5 percent.

In Virginia, the exhibition comes as the commonwealth's first lady, Anne Holton, kicks off her own drive to raise awareness of older children in foster care who need adoption. A former Richmond juvenile court judge, Holton has long been concerned about the plight of children who are abused and neglected and has taken up the issue.

This week, she announced a statewide effort, including a task force that will look closely at ways to find homes for older children in foster care. She said that older children can be difficult to adopt because they sometimes experience not only the growth issues that all adolescents deal with, but also emotional hardships that come with their experiences. But, she said, it was important to find strategies to overcome those hurdles.

"Getting older children adopted is a dilemma," she said, pointing to research indicating that those in foster care who are discharged to their own care are at a higher risk to wind up homeless or in jail. "One of the things you always hear from older foster children, or even adults that have been in foster care, is that they always wanted family."

That was the heart of what several of the children participating in the gallery project said. But they were clear about one thing: They wanted people to hear their story, not just to pity them.

"I don't really want anyone to feel sorry for me," Devante said. "Just understand."

For more information on adopting a child in Fairfax, visit http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/dfs.